In between grieving and doing some stressful work I’m switching to winter mode… the weather’s been really crazy recently (see photo from the Herald!) with cold and lots and lots of wind and rain.. in Northern NSW it’s flooding still.
Days are shorter and colder and I’m mostly at home… I work from home at the moment, also looking for a new job which is getting urgent. I cook, read, listen to music, take photos and watch films… also have friends over and am about to get some tickets to the Sydney Film Festival…
It’s the season of pumpkin, persimmon, chestnuts, pears and… lots of reflection, meditation and thinking…
Andrew’s funeral was held in Leura with family and friends. It was a moving and reasonably casual service and we all got to wear colourful clothes. It was the most difficult part of the day for me with so much emotion and grief my heart was breaking. There was a bit of live music and two of his three beautiful daughters have also given short speeches. It was obvious just from looking around that Andrew has built up little tribes/circles around him and made a lasting and important connection with everyone.
For me he was a healer, a guide, a partner in intellectual jousting, a magnificent lover, a fellow music appreciator, a wonderful friend I could share anything with, a deep and intense conversation partner, an examined and chiseled soul with so much to give. In turn I opened up to give him anything and everything I had deep in me.
The wake was truly magical. It was very cold, windy and rainy in the mountains and we all arrived at a guesthouse where we all shared food, drinks, hugs, Andrew’s music, memories, stories and feelings. There was even a dance, a true celebration of Andrew’s life. He was watching us from the shadows, observing as always and egging us on to move on from sadness to celebration and love.
I feel the loss so profoundly yet I am truly grateful for everything that he’s given me and everything that we shared. I will always carry his insights, love and wisdom in me.. and I know it’ll make me a deeper and fuller human being.
The grief is unbearable at times, but I’ll never lose sight of the most important things in life again.
I got the news on Sunday that my secondary partner/boyfriend/lover Andrew unexpectedly and suddenly passed away on Saturday night. He’s leaving behind a beautiful wife, Kerrie, who is my dear friend, and three beautiful daughters. And a beautiful loving little tribe of friends they have built up over the last few years.
I was going to visit him first time in his new Katoomba home last Thursday but we had to postpone because he took his father to hospital in Canberra instead. I was going to see him today with his family and wife to spend a day together in the mountains and have our usual long deep discussions.
I have managed to make it through the last 4 days without completely falling apart but my heart is completely broken. Andrew and I have known each other for 2 years and have been getting closer and closer, especially in the last 6-12 months. It was a beautiful blossoming poly relationship with a lot of depth and love where we had a lot of very special things shared and exchanged. We had a really special bond beyond words and were a strong support and presence in each other’s lives. Andrew was a very very special person to me.
I was looking forward to a lifetime of deeply shared thoughts, feelings and experiences. I was looking forward to Andrew’s heart operation later this year and him recovering in his body and soul and going onto bigger and brighter things still. He was going to travel around the world, move on from community development to establishing a therapy practice and seeing his daughters grow up. We were planning to travel together, go to music festivals, parties and share lots and lots of wonderful things.
His wife Kerrie is arranging a service for a tight circle of friends and family and I’ll be grieving with this little circle of truly wonderful people.
Andrew will be very very sorely missed and loved for ever. Craig has been with me for days and other friends have been visiting too. A huge number of loving messages have been flowing in from lots and lots of friends, I really feel blessed with the wonderful friends I have. Some of them just sent me good wishes and thoughts and with other I had long and intense conversations… thank you all!
After a really busy week at work and a night out celebrating a friend’s birthday I’m now at home sitting in front of my heater late at night watching a vicious new sci-fi series called Fringe. I’m up to Episode 6 now and it’s nicely heating up, good stuff.
The series follows an FBI Fringe Division team based in Boston, Massachusetts under the supervision of Homeland Security. The team uses unorthodox “fringe” science and FBI investigative techniques to investigate “the Pattern”, a series of unexplained, often ghastly occurrences which are occurring all over the world.
The plot is twisted and increasingly complex, the acting and production values awesome, science verging on the completely impossible, but well within the realm of sci-fi, and some rather kooky characters thrown into the mix.
There’s more gruesome detailing and horror elements than I’d like, but other than those the series is quite a feat. You might want to check out the wikipedia page about it here.