3 great books on sex and relationships – Part 3

3 great books on sex and relationships - Part 3

Sex at Dawn

Urban Tantra

Polyamory in the 21st century

Hand picked by me… I warmly recommend all three to all of you!!

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Polyamory in the 21st Century by Deborah Annapol…

Now that the poly publishing world is getting slowly saturated with books it is becoming less obvious which poly books provide more value. I think Anapol’s new book is one of a few that breaks new ground in poly land.

Instead of re-hashing the simple formula and explaining the basics to an assumedly novice audience, Anapol chooses to delve deeper by exploring the history of polyamory, its challenges and the personality types that work well for these.

Writing from decades of clinical experience as a therapist can sometimes make her tone sound a little presumptious, however this also gives Anapol the opportunity to relate the poly experience to the actual lived experience of her clients. At first I thought this would dilute the conceptual scaffolding, but then I realised that this gave the book more everyday substance and allows a diverse set of readers to identify with various points and situations.

My favourite bit is on the polyamorous personality. Yes, there are personality traits that will predispose you to and make you better able to handle multiple relationships. What are these? Talent for intimate relating (that’s right, it’s a talent!!), high self esteem, ability to multitask, love for intensity, appreciation for diversity, communication skills, independent streak, team spirit, commitment to growth, sex positivity, flexibility-creativity-spontaneity, high intelligence and accountability.

Taking a quick survey in my own life these qualities indeed seem to occur in poly people with high frequency and the more one fits this type the more individuals seem to be amenable to moving in the poly direction and be able to sustain it with ethics, direction, strength and integrity.

The book also delves into the perennial poly topic of jealousy and how to work through it, as well as poly families with children, coming out, cross-cultural perspectives and a quick look into evolutionary aspects, genders and the bonobo way… though if you are into these topics I highly recommend complementing your reading with Sex at Dawn!!

It gets better

It gets better

I love how the ‘It get’s better’ campaign has grown from a smallish campaign to reach GLBTI youth through the internet and give them hope, to a really large campaign that major stars and even Barack Obama participated in.

Dan Savage and his partner did a great video to tell struggling teenagers that the bullying, harassment, intimidation and lack of acceptance does change later in life, that no matter how much you don’t fit in now, there is a happy, productive place for you in the future.

Now Pixar has done an awesome job of it too:

I actually think this even goes beyond GLBTI youth… and all the wonderful freaks and weirdos out there can take heart from this: we can all find love, we can all find people who appreciate and accept us and love us for who we are, even if you are struggling with mental illness or other hardcore issues, there is a life out there waiting for you, a future that can be filled with beauty, meaning and lots of amazing other freaks who can truly appreciate you no matter what.

I happen to be part of a wonderful tribe of people I love dearly. It took me sooooo many years to find them and often felt very alone, scared and frightened that I’ll never find people who are like me, that I’ll never be ok… and yet, here I am today. I am more than ok and so are my wonderfully diverse gorgeous friends: freaks, queers, wonderful weirdos of all sorts. I’m so grateful that I stayed around to embrace them all 🙂

The original website It Gets Better

Kink Academy!

Kink Academy!

I’ve got an awesome new find for those of you interested in bdsm/kink, sexuality and other intimate adventures.

KINK ACADEMY

The Kink Academy is a recently established online learning space where you can watch educational videos, read blogs, take part in discussions and generally explore to your heart’s content. The site is paying and is totally worth it! Couldn’t be done without a reasonable subscription base. They have gathered the cream of internationally renowned kink and sex educators from Lee Harrington, GreyDancer, Anita Wagner and Jay Wiseman. There are also sex workers, mistresses, professional cross-dressers, sex therapists, polyamorists and so on, what a smorgasbord of talent, skill, experience and expertise!

For $19.99/3 months it’s a good investment, especially with the dollar parity happening. I have no financial interest in the site, I’m simply stating my opinion.

I’m looking forward to private parties with friends where I can share some of these videos and skills (without my friends prescribing necessarily), so that’s also an option!

Yep, I’m a subscriber now 🙂

Kink Academy also has open house events that are featured online in video format, they do fund raising, support kink communities and working towards sponsored events that will no doubt be featured in video format so those of us not in New England can also join in the fun. Good stuff.

The site is structured in a straightforward manner, you can search according to the toy you want to use, the teachers, level of experience, or category of play/information from edge play to sexual health to bondage and polyamory. The videos are informative, playful, creative and best of all, are provided by experts who want to share their experience. This is going to be such a central site for kinksters and those pursuing alternative sexualities and relationships.

A great ‘companion’ to FetLife (kinky social networking) and your own real life kinky tribe or partner(s).

Topics… to entice you:

* Non-Monogamy for the Novice
* Female Anatomy – Reclining
* Full Contact Dom: Center of Gravity
* Shibari Japanese box tie
* Gender Identity and Presentation
* Fantasies for the Shy
* Corsets: Tips and Tricks
* Self Bondage: Rope Hand Cuffs
* Beginner’s Guide to Sensual Dominance
* Gloves and Safety for Fisting
* Nipple Torture Play
* Two Play – Making Out: Building Anticipation
* Erotic Wrestling Vocabulary
* Submissive Self Safety: Negotiation
* Working with Fibromyalgia
* Thoughts on Humiliation
* Violet Wand Play with a Partner
* Power and Sex in Age Play
* Fire Play Equipment
* Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity
* Handmade Flogger Variations

And so much more… ok, I’m off to watch some videos now 🙂

Frubble, grubble, hubble!

Frubble, grubble, hubble!

Non-monogamy brings up new human phenomena that we have no words for yet. So polyamorous people make a sport out of inventing new words that are highly useful to describe their experiences.

We already have metamour, my partner’s lover (whom I’m not in a relationship with myself) from ‘meta’ and ‘amour’; and frubble, the wonderful joy over my lovers’ or partners’ happiness which is sometimes explained as the opposite of jealousy, though it’s actually more like a distinct experience based on altruistic love towards your lovers at times when they experience happiness that you don’t have a direct connection to yourself, yet feel effervescent about!

Well, I have came up with some new words with the help of the Sydney poly community and these suggestions have made it into Poly Weekly podcast #255!

Check it out here:
Poly Weekly #255 Minx mentions me and these words at 25 minutes!

“Feedback
New vocabulary suggestions from Niko:
frubble – joy over your loved ones’ joy with others
grubble – sadness over your loved ones’ sadness with others
hubble – many getting physically affectionate when experiencing frubble.”

OK, OK, it’s also an awesome space telescope… I know… hehe

I hope the wider poly community will take up some of these!!

(I’m aware that some peeps prefer compersion instead of frubble, hope you guys who prefer compersion can also come up with new words to add to our arsenal!)

Craig’s birthday

Craig’s birthday

Last weekend was Craig’s 40th and there was an awesome warehouse party to celebrate.

If you were there you know just how awesome and delicious it got as the party flowed into the Sunday.

If not, you can always check out the photos HERE

I had so much fun connecting with my friends and revelling in the mood. So much openness, freedom, sexiness and connection in one spot, just wish it lasted for weeks so I had a chance to fully connect with everyone… well, summer is on its way 🙂