getting there…

getting there...

Baby Max is almost 3 months and I think I’m finally becoming saner, more organised, more chilled and little by little I’m getting my life back too.

Yesterday I managed to look after him the whole day, do housework AND go to Centennial Park for a lap AND cook a 3 course dinner, including this blueberry raspberry pie. I’m a bit proud that I managed all this!

Next milestones I’m really looking forward to: being able to do research work at least once a week and in a few month I’m looking forward to Max starting on a few solids. He’s eating SOOO much milk and it’s very hard to keep up. He’ll double his weight by 4 months and that’s something cause he started out at 4kgs!

I’m also planning to go to Melbourne and maybe to Kiama with Chris and the bub… bit scary still, but very exciting too.

But for now, I’m just happy to get out a bit more, being more confident with him in a variety of different places and doing things I enjoy that’s not baby related.

10 commandments/virtues for secular folk

10 commandments/virtues for secular folk

Really like Alain de Botton’s 10 commandments for atheists/secular humanists below! These are not so much dictates but virtues that are worth cultivating in order to live a good life. I have articulated a similar list on numerous occasions, of qualities that I look for in friends and partners. If you live a good life in which you respect yourself, practice awareness and strive for growth then you’ll be a richer person. If you combine this with patience, respect and empathy as well then you’ll have a higher capacity for contributing to the lives of others. The two together is a good recipe for a happy, content, well lived life in which you have meaningful connections with others.

The below text is from a social media post by the Sydney Writers Festival.

“Alain de Botton, the philosopher and writer, has published a new version of the 10 commandments – for atheists. He calls it his “list for life” – have a read through it (below) and let us know what you think…

1.Resilience: Keeping going even when things are looking dark.
2.Empathy: The capacity to connect imaginatively with the sufferings and unique experiences of another person.
3.Patience: We should grow calmer and more forgiving by being more realistic about how things actually happen.
4.Sacrifice: We won’t ever manage to raise a family, love someone else or save the planet if we don’t keep up with the art of sacrifice.
5.Politeness: Politeness is closely linked to tolerance, the capacity to live alongside people whom one will never agree with, but at the same time, cannot avoid.
6.Humour: Like anger, humour springs from disappointment, but it is disappointment optimally channelled.
7.Self-awareness: To know oneself is to try not to blame others for one’s troubles and moods; to have a sense of what’s going on inside oneself, and what actually belongs to the world.
8.Forgiveness: It’s recognising that living with others is not possible without excusing errors.
9.Hope: Pessimism is not necessarily deep, nor optimism shallow.
10.Confidence: Confidence is not arrogance – rather, it is based on a constant awareness of how short life is and how little we will ultimately lose from risking everything.

(Here’s a link to the full story)

Photo of Alain de Botton (on a visit to Melbourne) by Craig Abraham/The Age”

Polynormativity?

Polynormativity?

This lovely blog post from Sex Geek deconstructs the publicly acceptable image of polyamory and makes some unconventional and progressive points. Some I agree with and some not quite so much. However, it’s one of the best poly pot-stirrers I’ve seen around: the points are well articulated, the topics go straight to the heart of advanced relationship dilemmas in the non-monogamous realm and the whole blog piece is a fantastic discussion starter!

The main points that interest me the most…

The publicly most acceptable form of polyamory is the one where a couple happen to date other people but they keep their primary status and treat secondaries as if they were optional extras with few rights. This model comes closest to matching a monogamous ideal and therefore is the most accepted and commonly represented type of polyamory in the media. We rarely see non-hierarchical models, secondaries treated well, bisexual polyamorists who aren’t gorgeous looking white bisexual women, gays and lesbians (some of the original polyamorists together with bisexual people) or the disabled or old or not so beautiful in appearance.

However, polyamory is neither about the couple nor about exclusively white, heterosexual, gorgeous looking people emulating monogamy. This type of representation lies about the progressive nature and radical promise of polyamory and sells a prototype that is perhaps easy to digest for newcomers but also offers the least in terms of growth and possibilities.

One note on the wording… I’m not sure I’d call this polynormativity, but as there’s no settled definition of the word (just like there isn’t one for mononormativity either!) it’s still up for grabs so the author is definitely entitled to grabbing it and running with it. To my ears polynormativity sounds like the dogma that being poly is the only good way of being in relationships, in which case it would be, to some degree, the opposite of mononormativity, another word for compulsory monogamy.


the problem with polynormativity