3 great books on sex and relationships – Part 3

3 great books on sex and relationships - Part 3

Sex at Dawn

Urban Tantra

Polyamory in the 21st century

Hand picked by me… I warmly recommend all three to all of you!!

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Polyamory in the 21st Century by Deborah Annapol…

Now that the poly publishing world is getting slowly saturated with books it is becoming less obvious which poly books provide more value. I think Anapol’s new book is one of a few that breaks new ground in poly land.

Instead of re-hashing the simple formula and explaining the basics to an assumedly novice audience, Anapol chooses to delve deeper by exploring the history of polyamory, its challenges and the personality types that work well for these.

Writing from decades of clinical experience as a therapist can sometimes make her tone sound a little presumptious, however this also gives Anapol the opportunity to relate the poly experience to the actual lived experience of her clients. At first I thought this would dilute the conceptual scaffolding, but then I realised that this gave the book more everyday substance and allows a diverse set of readers to identify with various points and situations.

My favourite bit is on the polyamorous personality. Yes, there are personality traits that will predispose you to and make you better able to handle multiple relationships. What are these? Talent for intimate relating (that’s right, it’s a talent!!), high self esteem, ability to multitask, love for intensity, appreciation for diversity, communication skills, independent streak, team spirit, commitment to growth, sex positivity, flexibility-creativity-spontaneity, high intelligence and accountability.

Taking a quick survey in my own life these qualities indeed seem to occur in poly people with high frequency and the more one fits this type the more individuals seem to be amenable to moving in the poly direction and be able to sustain it with ethics, direction, strength and integrity.

The book also delves into the perennial poly topic of jealousy and how to work through it, as well as poly families with children, coming out, cross-cultural perspectives and a quick look into evolutionary aspects, genders and the bonobo way… though if you are into these topics I highly recommend complementing your reading with Sex at Dawn!!

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